Theory on Excuses

Today I was accused of coming out with an excuse for an honest mistake that I did. Question I asked, "How do you even judge if someone is actually coming out with an excuse? Does it really show or is it just a subjective view on something someone said to cover up a mistake (to obviously make the situation better)?"

"I honestly forgot I had to do this."

"Do you have a better excuse for that?!"

Are excuses like lies but polished and well thought of? Or is it just something you just tend to do subconsciously and unintentionally to save your ass or maybe it is an addiction to some? Lets find out but before that lets first see the dictionary meaning of the word "excuse".

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ex-cuse

verb

1     Attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense), seek to defend or justify

       "he did nothing to hide or excuse Jacob's cruelty"
       synonyms: justify, defend, condone

2     release (someone) from duty or requirement
       "it will not be possible to excuse you from jury duty"
       synonyms: let off, release, exempt, free

noun
1     a reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense
       "there can be no possible excuse for further delay"
       synonyms: justification, defense, reason, explanation
                          "that's no excuse for stealing"

2     informal
       a poor or inadequate example of
       "that pathetic excuse for a man!"
       synonyms: informal apology for, poor specimen of

Excuses are also known as "Rationalizations". A defense mechanism in which controversial behaviors or feelings are justified and explained in a seemingly rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, and are made consciously tolerable – or even admirable and superior – by plausible means.

Rationalization encourages irrational or unacceptable behavior, motives, or feelings and often involves adhoc hypothesizing. This process ranges from fully conscious (e.g. to present an external defense against ridicule from others) to mostly unconscious (e.g. to create a block against internal feelings of guilt). People rationalize for various reasons — sometimes when we think we know ourselves better than we do. Rationalization may differentiate the original deterministic explanation of the behavior or feeling in question.
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Let me quote from an online article "Excuses, the researchers (Charles R. Snyder along with Raymond Higgins and Rita J. Stucky, all of the University of Kansas.) point out, take many subtle and devious forms. At their worst, they are chronic evasions of responsibility borne of irrational fear. These excuses prevent insights into one's own problems and thus stand as a barrier to healthy change in personality."

We use excuses to evade ourselves from paying the rent, push away accusations, even give excuses to yourself to counter a thought your inner voice has. Excuses that usually solves real tension.

Is there a checklist we could use, to self-check if the severity of the excuses we have been giving should be something we must consider?

Therapists questionnaire

- How often does the person make such excuses? The more frequent, the more likely a problem.

- How drastic is the excuse? (A pretended broken leg to avoid participation in sports, for instance, is drastic.)

- What effect does the excuse have on the person's relations with other people? (Those with a difficulty often seem oblivious to the impact their excuses have, not realizing, for example, how clumsy their excuses make them seem.)

- Does the excuse appear to be part of a refusal to perceive and change some self-defeating habit?

Okay now here is my part on excuses. 

Lets harness this idea of polishing up excuses with legit stories. The same view I had on "Theory on Lies". As much as I would like to think that Excuses and Lies are similar or exactly the same, they live as two different separate entities. Excuse is a league higher than immature lies. They are indeed well planned. So in-synced with yourself that you do not even notice when you are committing one. 

You use excuses to tell yourself that you will finish something by a certain time and you even actually believed yourself that you will. Eventually you don't. I call that the Power of Excuses.

Manipulating others with excuses is one of the most powerful methods that has been experimented with. Mostly it has been put to good use. 

Try this. Lets not see "excuses" as something negative from now onward. Make it useful.

Example:

If you are stuck with someone who has been clinging on to you and neglecting his/her studies or so, you can try this. Tell that friend, if he/she does not complete his/her school work, maybe he/she will likely be in detention for the rest of his/her school holidays doing extra. It is neither a lie nor a threat. It is an excuse for you to piss someone off for that moment. 

Feel me?

Be a little more self aware of the excuses you make. Make is a Win-Win situation for you and the other party. (something that a most lies are not capable of doing)

However saying so, excuses have the tendency of becoming a lie when it is too severe. (refer to the checklist above) It also partially depends on the morality one has. (refer to the Three Moral Theories on Theory on Lies post)

Have fun creating this arsenal of excuses, making excuses as an effective manipulation tactic!

Burning information or theories that you think I can share with my readers? 

Email me at theoryaboutanything@gmail.com

Thankyou!