thoughts

Family car rides and heart to heart talks are the best bonding periods I could ever ask for. Something inspired me today on my way home. Maybe it is more of a reminder that life is actually that beautiful after all. The theory I came out is a collective reminder that I had for the past two months.

Graduation show was amazing and then it was my graduation day, now we are all waiting for the day to serve the country as servicemen are soon approaching. Not forgetting the beautiful people along the way that I humbly stumbled upon when I took up a part-time retail job. People who came by and go also spiced up that emotional aspect for the route I am in. Falling in love was totally unexpected. All that in a few months is actually a lot to take in if I do sit and think about it.

But what makes this thing we call “life” beautiful is that, it felt like everything was pre-planned. Somehow. Things do turn out ugly or what not but cliché as it sounds, things are falling to its place.

I am a proud Muslim living through the holy month of Ramadhan trying my best to pick up skills that would help me to gain strength in my religious part of life or even put me back on the righteous track. A friend reminded me that, “balance between both spiritual and secular world must meet equilibrium”. Any individual, who meets these criteria, is able or given the opportunity to live life to its fullest.

Really?

Personally before I got that reminder, I feel that, it is self-fulfillment that is the key or maybe the only factor to allow any individual to feel or think that he/she has achieved optimum living. If you feel that achieving a certain goal would make you a better person in the spectrum of beings you are in, go. Run for it.

However saying so, I believe that it works vice versa if your expectations of how “life” should be or what you could be in “life” is taken down a notch, maybe that “life” we are all thinking about right now as we read this would not turn out so bad after all.

Does that mean I don’t have to actually work hard in life to live to its fullest potential? Perhaps so.

“You have to use what god has given you, your talents and skills that you picked up in your studies. From then on, work smart.” A direct translation what my parents would tell me in our conversations in the car when I start pondering what my life could become. “Stay happy with what you do and money will roll in.” I remember Adam Khoo mentioned this in one of his self-improvement books too. Easy said I guess but we will see.

As I am writing this, I finally understand and able to come out with a sketchy theory why we need to fully meet our needs for both spiritual and non-spiritual world. Sanity. To keep us sane. To cut us from our busy schedules to reconnect to what god has left us after the dinosaurs died. To reconnect with our spirit and other human beings. On the other hand, work, responsibilities you hold, National Service and deadlines are all examples of what I feel pre-planned goals that is set by our elites. To make sure our human race moves forward and not stays stagnant.

I am only writing this to remind myself to relook at my expectations. To make sure I have the best of both worlds so that I would be in my best form of mentality to face anything! Insyallah.

“Baby steps my friend.”

Theory on Excuses

Today I was accused of coming out with an excuse for an honest mistake that I did. Question I asked, "How do you even judge if someone is actually coming out with an excuse? Does it really show or is it just a subjective view on something someone said to cover up a mistake (to obviously make the situation better)?"

"I honestly forgot I had to do this."

"Do you have a better excuse for that?!"

Are excuses like lies but polished and well thought of? Or is it just something you just tend to do subconsciously and unintentionally to save your ass or maybe it is an addiction to some? Lets find out but before that lets first see the dictionary meaning of the word "excuse".

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

ex-cuse

verb

1     Attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense), seek to defend or justify

       "he did nothing to hide or excuse Jacob's cruelty"
       synonyms: justify, defend, condone

2     release (someone) from duty or requirement
       "it will not be possible to excuse you from jury duty"
       synonyms: let off, release, exempt, free

noun
1     a reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense
       "there can be no possible excuse for further delay"
       synonyms: justification, defense, reason, explanation
                          "that's no excuse for stealing"

2     informal
       a poor or inadequate example of
       "that pathetic excuse for a man!"
       synonyms: informal apology for, poor specimen of

Excuses are also known as "Rationalizations". A defense mechanism in which controversial behaviors or feelings are justified and explained in a seemingly rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, and are made consciously tolerable – or even admirable and superior – by plausible means.

Rationalization encourages irrational or unacceptable behavior, motives, or feelings and often involves adhoc hypothesizing. This process ranges from fully conscious (e.g. to present an external defense against ridicule from others) to mostly unconscious (e.g. to create a block against internal feelings of guilt). People rationalize for various reasons — sometimes when we think we know ourselves better than we do. Rationalization may differentiate the original deterministic explanation of the behavior or feeling in question.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me quote from an online article "Excuses, the researchers (Charles R. Snyder along with Raymond Higgins and Rita J. Stucky, all of the University of Kansas.) point out, take many subtle and devious forms. At their worst, they are chronic evasions of responsibility borne of irrational fear. These excuses prevent insights into one's own problems and thus stand as a barrier to healthy change in personality."

We use excuses to evade ourselves from paying the rent, push away accusations, even give excuses to yourself to counter a thought your inner voice has. Excuses that usually solves real tension.

Is there a checklist we could use, to self-check if the severity of the excuses we have been giving should be something we must consider?

Therapists questionnaire

- How often does the person make such excuses? The more frequent, the more likely a problem.

- How drastic is the excuse? (A pretended broken leg to avoid participation in sports, for instance, is drastic.)

- What effect does the excuse have on the person's relations with other people? (Those with a difficulty often seem oblivious to the impact their excuses have, not realizing, for example, how clumsy their excuses make them seem.)

- Does the excuse appear to be part of a refusal to perceive and change some self-defeating habit?

Okay now here is my part on excuses. 

Lets harness this idea of polishing up excuses with legit stories. The same view I had on "Theory on Lies". As much as I would like to think that Excuses and Lies are similar or exactly the same, they live as two different separate entities. Excuse is a league higher than immature lies. They are indeed well planned. So in-synced with yourself that you do not even notice when you are committing one. 

You use excuses to tell yourself that you will finish something by a certain time and you even actually believed yourself that you will. Eventually you don't. I call that the Power of Excuses.

Manipulating others with excuses is one of the most powerful methods that has been experimented with. Mostly it has been put to good use. 

Try this. Lets not see "excuses" as something negative from now onward. Make it useful.

Example:

If you are stuck with someone who has been clinging on to you and neglecting his/her studies or so, you can try this. Tell that friend, if he/she does not complete his/her school work, maybe he/she will likely be in detention for the rest of his/her school holidays doing extra. It is neither a lie nor a threat. It is an excuse for you to piss someone off for that moment. 

Feel me?

Be a little more self aware of the excuses you make. Make is a Win-Win situation for you and the other party. (something that a most lies are not capable of doing)

However saying so, excuses have the tendency of becoming a lie when it is too severe. (refer to the checklist above) It also partially depends on the morality one has. (refer to the Three Moral Theories on Theory on Lies post)

Have fun creating this arsenal of excuses, making excuses as an effective manipulation tactic!

Burning information or theories that you think I can share with my readers? 

Email me at theoryaboutanything@gmail.com

Thankyou!

Theory on Lies

Now, where should I start on this theory?

There are many different theories that emphasizes about the idea of keeping the truth from being told. Be it for oneself's benefit or another. Also famously known as a "lie".

"Why do people lie? What do you get from lying? Is lying even acceptable?"

The many theories that I have encountered during the intense research for the past few days for "legit" net and books content about these theories are usually relative to one's morality. Both subjectivism and objectivism morality. (I will assume that you understand about the two terms that I have just mentioned because that is not the main point that I would like to cover for this post)

Theories that overlapped each other in a few websites (which I will mention as usual) covers fully in the FIVE different Moral Theories which I would only pick THREE where I deemed most relevant to my experience. After wrapping this portion up, it will be linked to the legit section of the "Theory of Lying". Followed by my view and brief summation on "Theory of Lying" based on my previous experiences and some of my reader's shared experiences.

The Three Moral Theories
- The Divine Command Theory of right and wrong (DCT)
     > By the word "divine" we can clearly understand that this theory is clipped to the
       aspects of our religious beliefs or whatsoever. Be it Islam, Christianity or Hinduism.
       If one's religion forbids lying or allows lying to a certain extent, then one shall
       follow as ordered.

       Remember Alan and Brenda? If Alan lied to Brenda about him not getting
       tired of giving, when he was, and DCT mentions that you shouldn't lie "no matter 
       how much good would do or evil it would prevent, no matter whether one’s objective in 
       telling the lie is selfish or altruistic, no matter whether the lie would benefit the 
       person being lied to" it will still be deemed as immorally correct, which makes the
       lie, unacceptable.

- Act Utilitarianism (AU)
     > An excerpt from a the web, "this theory claims that an act is morally right if and 
       only if it produces more total happiness (not just for oneself, but all of society) 
       than any other act that one could have performed in the circumstances. The morally 
       right act is the one that maximizes “utility,” which just means “happiness” or 
       “well-being.”"

       From this we can understand that, anything that will affect the happiness is a big
       NO NO for those with this morality's mindset. AU assumes that honesty usually
       produces more happiness in the long run than dishonesty does. (If you’re in one of the
       rather exceptional situations in which lying would produce more
       total happiness in the long run based on careful predictions of the future
       based on all information available, then AU says that you have a duty to lie.)

- Kantian Moral Theory
     > A German philosopher, Immanuel Kant. (that is how the name came about huh?) The strong
       point about this theory is that  i) it does not depend on religion or any religious 
       assumptions (professional judgement < Really?), and ii) it demands respect for 
       individuals and their rights, and thus, avoids the main objection to AU. People with
       such mindsets aka Kantians believe that it is important to give dignity and respect to
       others for they are moral agents who has the benefit of free will and reasons.
       Kantian ethics supports the idea of "informed consent". Examples like, doctors have a
       duty to obtain “informed consent” from a patient before treating him for his condition.
       Similar to "thieves", Kantians believe that they ought to serve jail time only if they
       admit that they deserve such treatments as a consequence of stealing. Otherwise if
       they can "bullshit" their way out, and make sure they sound morally right, they are off.
       (Kantians do no make a good judge, do you think so?)

Read more? Here is the source ( http://web.nmsu.edu/~dscoccia/323web/323eththe.pdf )

Now, with such background information being "clearly" explained in the Three Moral Theories, lets move on to, "Why do people lie? What do you get from lying? Is lying even acceptable?"

Your Theory on Lying  by theories.com / thehopeline.com 
A person lies when he/she is aroused and anxious in a situation. This emotions developed when fear in the individual's mind assumes that he/she will be caught in the lie or rejected for such a lie. This arousal can also be caused by the conflicting thoughts in the individuals mind. There are instruments like the lie detector and speech error detectors were created to detect this arousal. Pupil dilation is also a very common form of arousal. (that is why poker players wear dark shades to conceal the pupil dilation when they are lying)

Fear. Fear of what we don't know or assume for the worst empowers the habit of lying. Quoting from an American storyteller Tad Williams, "We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger."

So, "What do you get from lying?" also is the answer to what motivates liars to lie, avoiding social conflicts. Lies are typically motivated by a desire to get other people to eaither do something or not do something, or to make a decision in favor of the person (the liar). Someone might lie to get something they desire - sex, money, status, power, love, etc. But many times, pride of fear is what drives liars.

Acceptability of a lie again depends on your moral behind a lie like the three concrete examples you see from the top explanation about the Three Moral Theories. if you are a DCT, chances of you accepting lies is rather low and if you're an AU, chances of accepting that lie, is quite high.


My Theory on Lying
Now that we know that such moral theories exists, lies are bound to happen because humans are the number one species in deception because we need to be deceptive for survival or, we have no other choice. Let me tell you what I think and observe about lies and liars. Some easy tips for beginners poor liars too! (I find the top part a little draggy but its worth it!)

1) Lie decently. Sometimes liars tend to not polish their lies up and not leaving open ends.
   When you do so, the next time you lie, you tend to add more and more details to it.
   Therefore before lying, go practice it like its a story or a speech you are going to give
   later on to your parents, your lecturers or whoever that you are lying to.
   Never exaggerate! In the future, the one that remembered your story, might ask, "How did you
   tell me the food tasted again?" And when you forget a certain line you said before, you're
   going down.

2) If it is a last minute lie, avoid these obvious mistakes that gives the lie away.
       - Emphasizing on the people you are with rather than the details to what you did.
       - Only mentioning where you were specifically at. (include on the details of a place or
         places around that venue)
       - Extra usage of adverbs like, "very" and "really".
       - Make is believable. You don't want to end up, "Oh man, I shouldn't have said I tried
         that."
       - Don't avoid eye contacts and start scratching any parts of your face especially your
         nose.

.3) Tell a story even you believed that you actually did it!

Lies, has been helping us in some ways or another, either saving your ass or saving someone's else day for not making them disappointed or whatsoever. Point is, the fact that your are lying means you are putting down your self-respect as an individual. So start being an honest liar from now onwards. If it can be avoided to make things better for the future why not? Own up and take 100% ownership for the doings you have already done. With that, here's a situation which I think I need help too.

I have met some of my friend's parents who worries a little too much about their children in school. Who they are mixing with and the things they do outside and away from their supervision. When one of the parent comes to you discreetly, asking, "How has my boy been in school for the past few years?" Instead of telling the truth - Her kid is actually abusing drugs in school and I cannot do anything about it. - I lied to her telling her that her son is one of the bright students in my school. Topping classes. I made the old lady smile for that moment.

Is that a “big” or a “small” lie? DCT's mindset and Kantians would all disapprove of this lie, claiming that it is morally wrong. AU would surely approve of it. What do you think?

More about honest liars: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpEeSa6zBTE
(TED talks are the most interesting talk seminars conducted online. Easy to understand and most relevant up to date!)

Special thanks to Nyimas Hanani for her interest in the topic :> 

Burning information or theories that you think I can share with my readers? 

Email me at theoryaboutanything@gmail.com

Thankyou!

Theory on Passion

Passion.

Let me condense the meaning of this word for you. (according to the net) An intense emotion or a positive natural liking or sympathy  towards something or someone. That tingly feeling you have when you do something you love doing or maybe have not yet experienced before but you love it! Something humans would associate with their inner "animal" because they are doing something for once they think they were born to do. A handful of them who live and earn doing something they love. Like sleeping on mattresses. Hacking. Even to the extremes of smelling under arms as an expertise. Being passionate is one of the many ways to fuel the soul. It gives some individuals a purpose for living.

However saying so, the argument we have as of today is that, "Is passion really needed to be successful?"(definition of successful may differ from one individual or another.) My answer is maybe.

There is a detailed blog I found on the net sharing to us about everything and anything you need to know about being "passionate" and types of "passion" that is observed out there.

If you are interested to get a full picture of passion, here is the blog site:
http://serenityhacker.com/2009/12/is-passion-necessary-for-a-meaningful-life/

Since that is covered by someone else, I shall leave to your opinions to my conclusion and theory I find about "Passion". Recently, in my quest to find the perfect model answer for the argument we are having today, I stumbled upon a diagram illustrating a simple understanding of Passion vs Talent vs Money.

Simple diagram explaining passion's influence in life.

In the same diagram we can picture some of our friends or family members who fall into some of the intersections as shown above. Then again, to me this image that you see above is rather, simple. We both know that life isn't as simple as it looks. Like how movies have great endings because everything we see is compressed into a few hours of screen time.

My Theory on Passion is that, passion can never go on if there is no actions taken. 

Current understanding of #WIN: Passion + Talent + Money = #WIN (too easy)

Here is my recipe for #SUCCESS: Natural talent / Acquired skill + Actions + Opportunity = #SUCCESS

"What if to me, I am successful right now, because I have all these three ingredient that you have mentioned, but I am also passionate about it? Where am I at in the level of success?" I personally find passion is an action amplifier to whatever good or bad you are doing. Similar to money. An amplifier that boost any of your actions like for example, passion for music. One does not stop learning the different instruments they are able to get their hands on because the passion pushes them to do it. There are musicians who has the natural talent or honed skill (because his/her parents wanted them to) of playing one instrument and still, becomes successful up till today! Being successful is nothing if you have not yet achieved popularity and profit. (really?)

"So, does this mean that success is not in my favor for the rest of my life if I do not have a talent or any skills and no opportunities given to me?"

No. We should all start things from small. Maybe start by stopping yourself from sulking at home and go out, learn something. Be good in something. Again like in my previous post, get out there and join society. Solve a problem that you observe. Be good at it and voilà, you are on your way to be successful!

On the other side of things, again passion is one of the strongest emotions observed in humans. It is usually related to love. Therefore saying so,  if you do have a single clue on how to cook, but passion for something like food and the love for good food, all you need now is, ACTIONS. Start learning how to cook or anything that you think that will soon lead you to cooking good food because this passion in us, it gives you the boost that we will need eventually. Only then, you will cater your future to what you want and how you need it to be. That's my conclusion to my "Theory on Passion".

Special thanks to Nyimas Hanani for her interest in the topic :> 

Burning information or theories that you think I can share with my readers? 

Email me at theoryaboutanything@gmail.com

Thankyou!

Theory on Society (Mechanical vs Organic Solidarity)

I got a request from one of my readers to look into theory on society and anything that has to do with it. In this blog post, I will elaborate and explain on some "society points/facts" that we might have heard of in the past or still talk about it today! I am no expert when it comes to "Social Theories" but I will try my best to be constructive and we can all use some tips to help ourselves "blend" better with the people around us. Something I think I need to practice too. Closing to the end of this post, I will also share a method I have learnt in my process of writing a sum up of this controversial theory. Lets go!

Let me introduce you to the "Father of Sociology".

Emile Durkheim, Father of Sociology
1858-1917 (aged 59)

Emile Durkheim was not interested in individual explanations but he was more focused on social explanations like economic inequality, media and migrations when it comes to his theories about the society.

Durkhiem came out with factors that he called them, "Social Factors". Examples like, norms, values, laws, political institutions, technology, culture and many many more other factors. He was objective rather than subjective when it comes to studying his society.

For Your Information.

Durkheim proposed that there were two types of cohesion in a society, "Mechanical solidarity" and "Organic solidarity" which can work in any society. This means how a society sticks together as one. (So basically if I am not mistaken, this means if there is no solidarity observed  in a society, will things go desasturous eventually? Or maybe not?)

Mechanical Solidarity (pre-modern). In this state of solidarity, the humans who are "functioning" in the society has the exact same purpose. Example like how farmers operate in a certain manner in a village. Everyone serves a same purpose which is farming, everyone plays a role in farming, everyone wears the same thing like a farmers hat and boots. So basically, everyone has the same experiences, feels united and that they are a part of something. They share the same beliefs and values. (similar to the movie blockbuster, "Divergent" huh?)

Commonalities + similitudes + likenesses = Collective consciousness  (Like how our small cliques function because its based on this pre-modern solidarity)

On the other hand, Organic Solidarity (modern). In this state of solidarity, the humans in this society differ from one another. They have different jobs different beliefs and so forth. According to Durkhiem, its the inter-dependence that keeps our society together. Everyone has to depend on each other to grow and survive.

Lucky for us today, according to Durkhiem's theory, we live in a society that does not practice medieval punishments like throwing criminals (people who does not adhere to the pre-modern society) into rivers so that crocodiles can eat them up if the gods find them guilty. We live in a world where, law is not as tough on us as it was before. Making sure that law is "fair" to the rest of humanity. To Durkheim, crime is normal and functional. It is bound to happen so that society grows and work together to reform. (really? This reminds me of the Singapore reality TV series "In cold blood".)

Here's a short video clip from YouTube for those who is willing to know a little more.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGargZd9KkQ 
(there are also many other theories on society that you can check them out but here's my start on things :>)


Now, its my turn to give my say.

Knowing that this legit theory exists, some of us are still asking ourselves,"Why did society rejected me? How am I going to face society after my previous downfall?".

Here's my theory.

To be accepted by the society, you first have to know what cause(s) or problem(s) are you solving. Only then you can find a small society that has the same belief as you do and join that specific workforce. Easy as it sounds, you know yourself better than I do. Now go out there and make yourself useful in some way or at least try harder!

"But where do I get my confidence from?"

There is a technique I have been practicing on for the past few years now. It is called, Brilliance Squared. I got this from a book called, "How to take charge of your life. The user's guide to NLP" by Richard Bandler.

Lets do it step by step.

Step 1: Close your eyes and think of your favourite colour in a box. (Colour should make you feel good)

Step 2: Picture yourself in your most prestigious moment you had before or you have ever dreamed of, looking at you. Then place this image right infront of the bright coloured box.

Step 3: Trigger this image every time you feel that you need a confidence boost.

Step 4: This time round, do everything negative. The worst colour in a box with an image of you all beaten up right smack infront of the box.

This two images are the images that you will have for this thing to work. Remember, the brain connects emotions to images that it captures. By knowing this fact, you can alter that. Make things work your way.

Step 5: Practice it!

Special thanks to Balqis Mirza for her interest in the topic :> 

Burning information or theories that you think I can share with my readers? 
Email me at theoryaboutanything@gmail.com

Thankyou!

Theory on Relationships (part 2)

Irony how this is quite a big theory and I am sure that not many know of but yes I will have to touch on this because, I find its validity, not for me but the theory on "Theory on Relationships" that was mentioned in Part 1 is relevant. So whats so big about this theory? I don't know, you tell me. So read on.

Triangular Theory of Love

Robert Sternberg, a psychologist who created such a term for something so intangible. Love. Three parts to this theory, according to the triangular theory,

- Intimacy component

"Feelings of attachments, closeness, connectedness and bondedness." Most probably means something or someone that you have really treasured for a very long time, a best friend, a long lost lover or even your parents. Always believed and values each other.

- Passion component

"Drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction." Does not fully means you are an addict to the sex your partner gives you but maybe how she walks, they way she blinks her eyes at you, the small details about the things she does might give you this strong compulsive attraction. The way you see things are always pleasant when you see him/her.

- Decision/commitment component

"The decision to remain with another, and in the long term, plans made with that other." In simpler terms, professional. Things have been set straight about the relationship and both parties agrees without any doubts and questions asked. (I personally like this the most but there are flaws to it, urgh why. . .)

Let me quote directly from my source again, "The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other." Its not some fancy sentence that you cannot understand. It is as easy as that. Really? Lets continue. (Bare in mind that I still have to cover a little bit of info that is "lacking" in my previous post.)

Sternberg always believed that progress and evolution when it comes to love is very much predictable. Couples who are in love will experience all three factors in similar patterns and most probably different scenarios. What makes it so big is that there is actually a table for you to see where your relationship is at now and that scares me when you think you know more than what you need to know. On the other hand, you are aware of things. Maybe you can save your dying relationship, maybe save someone elses. How? I do not know because cases differ from each and everyone.


This theory, its too simple to understand but then again, theories are suppose to be easy to understand. This theory too, is just a description specifically to loving relationships, it does not include a non-loving relationship (those relationships you have with your normal friends that you say hi & bye to) that you might have known of.

The cool part about this theory is that, "What happens when you are having maybe more than one corners of this Triangular Theory of Love?" There are legit names that Mr Robert Sternberg came out with. If you are dying to know more, here's the link.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love

Read up on it, (may or may not be legit to you but my 2 cents is that you read it with an open heart please & thank you) check out the table our friendly Wikipedia has come out with. Maybe only then it would answer some questions that you have been asking yourself. Just so you know, you are not alone in this world facing similar problems about relationships. So lets work this out together!



Back to my previous post, "Theory on Relationships" (part 1), in example two, you can see that there are people whose fire of love just dies off. In the "Triangular Theory of Love", it states that, "Sternberg believed that passionate love will diminish as the positive forces of the relationship is taken over by opposite forces. This idea comes from Solomon's opponent-force theory."

There was not any commitment in the relationship that Carly and Donald had. Working hand in hand with "Theory on Relationships", the 3 factors also did not have any effects on their "love story". Hence the break up.


Note to self: Do some research on Solomon's opponent-force theory.





Burning information or theories that you think I can share with my readers? 
Email me at theoryaboutanything@gmail.com

Thankyou!

Theory on Relationship (part 1)

For this post, it will be segmented into two parts. The first part is about the theory that my friend and I came out with like the one I have mentioned before, "Theory on Relationships". The other half is about legit theories that has been documented and applied to different relatable examples.

It started off when we were discussing about how and what we could do to maintain or break off a relationship regardless of who he or she is to our respective lives. Then we came to a conclusion that there are two terms that we observed in relationships. (you can disagree if you want but please hear me out)

"A need" vs "An addiction"

So basically, the idea of this theory is to see and forecast if relationship(s) may or may not turn out well for you. How it works according to this sketchy theory we have is that, BOTH parties should be either the one needing something or the one addicted to something. Only then, the relationship is "healthy"! (PS: At any point of time in any relationship, this "cycle" can reverse directions. So the "need" may switch to "addiction" vice versa.)

However saying so, if you have a relationship and you find that both parties are in the the "need" category or vice versa, don't worry. There is a list of factors that we have before assuming that the relationship is going to go down the drain.



Factor no. 1 - TIME

Factor no. 2 - MENTAL HOOKS (both positive & negative)

Factor no. 3 - MONEY & APPEARANCE



Lets have examples,(based on a true stories)

Example 1:
Alan meets Brenda. Alan and Brenda started dating. Alan realizes that Brenda is needing and taking things for granted be it sex, money and attention. Alan knows this because Alan found out that Brenda has been giving attention to many more others out there. The only reason why Alan feels that its not really a big deal because he finds that Brenda's needs becomes his addiction to keep on giving. Once this cycle has been established, the relationship is still and will be "healthy" until one snaps out of the cycle. Snapping out of cycle means that either the person with "a need" or "an addiction" finds that he/she has switched categories.

The flip side to this is that when Alan finds that now, he needs the attention and whatsoever instead of finding pleasure of giving the attention, Alan now falls into "a need" category. In their relationship and in this theory, both are needing the attention. Therefore, the "cycle" is broken and hence arguments will start to break out, time outs will tend to happen and so forth.

That is when we use the remaining THREE FACTORS that I have mentioned earlier. Lets see it as a checklist. Time. If Alan and Brenda had more than years invested into their relationship, they might get things worked out again and fix their cycle. Mental hooks. If agreements and promises made, both families from the couples are already close together, infested with special memories, the chances of a split-up is very unlikely. Money and appearance. One of the worst factor to be held up on. Because of a certain look your couple had, or the money he/she has, he/she decides to cooperate and work things out again.

Example 2:
Carly, a young fine woman who does not really care about the guys that come and go in her love life. Calls herself a s*** for giving what any male would want because she is obviously, addicted to it. Carly has never met anyone that could actually sweep her off her feet until one fine day Donald came into her life. He was the most polite gentleman (please note that gentlemen are polite by default but I would like to emphasize on the politeness of this guy) she has ever met. Sex, was never in their conversations. It was too good to believe for Carly herself.

Being thrown into this category of "an addiction" from the start, Carly craves for lust. Donald on the other hand, needs true love and attention. From this theoretically, we can see that this relationship will work out.

But something happened along the way. The couple find themselves feeding off each other and there was not really any commitment. (This phenomenon will be further explained in part 2 of this post) Somewhere in the cycle got interrupted and the 3 FACTORS did not really help in this relationship because all three were "weak" or so to say.

From these two examples the both of us could say that, this theory can actually adapt to different stories. Maybe to save it or to throw that current chapter away. There are many more examples we tried making sense of and yes, it made sense!

Therefore I would like to conclude with a summarized equation,

Lasting Relationship = Need / Addiction = 1
Ever Lasting Relationship = Need / Addiction + (3 factors)





Burning information or theories that you think I can share with my readers? 
Email me at theoryaboutanything@gmail.com

Thankyou!

Theory on theories

Theory.

What makes it so interesting is that its easy to come out with if you observe enough. Always gather enough "evidence" to prove that the idea of something is relevant and applicable to the theory you are about to come out with. The assumptions forces you to question why and how on a certain phenomenon you observed to generalizing about various aspects of that phenomenon. 

Like the one I call "Theory on Relationships", me and my good friend came out with. We theorize this body of knowledge into something easier to understand, cross-referring to many different examples and past experiences. The only lopsided to this is that it will change as time evolves and people around you "change".

My theory about theories is simple. As long as you observe enough and there are similarities that you can see in the different subjects that you are observing (either real time or on different occasions does not really matter imo), if you reason it out critically and balance it out with some of your friends about this idea you have, there you go, you got yourself a reliable theory. One-sided or not, that is the purpose of this blog!





Burning information or theories that you think I can share with my readers? 
Email me at theoryaboutanything@gmail.com

Thankyou!

Preface

This blog is suppose to be me writing all about the different theories that you and me, might have heard of and even experienced in any point of time in our lives, be it factual based or just something we do for fun. Like how me and my old secondary school classmates believe that the cute girls are never in our class and same thing when we are in our randomized camp teams. (I bet you agree to this at some point of time!)

I have met many people, some of which loved sharing about their life stories. Love stories that I might share in my future posts and theories about "love" itself. So stay tuned for some love-guru post or maybe lessons on how to cook for beginners. Practicing different mindsets that I was taught. Even ways of manipulating one's mind. (I actually spent my time reading on all these crap, or so they say)

The fun part about this is, I want to make this blog, ours. I welcome your theories ABOUT ANYTHING.

Just drop me an email: theoryaboutanything@gmail.com

Sincerely,
me